genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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