No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need help removing her.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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