hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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