How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
