New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
