i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
