that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
