did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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