She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
