I wish I could teleport
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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