I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
