Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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