It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
