Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
