doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
