people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
