there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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