So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
