just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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