i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
