I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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