dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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