Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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