Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
