Who wears a wallet chain?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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