gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
