Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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