he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
