I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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