my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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