I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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