you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
