I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
