Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
