She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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