I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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