Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
