It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
