Pants 0. Shit 1.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
