New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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