the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
