Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
