We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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