so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
