We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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