Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
