you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
