And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
