Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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