ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
