I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
im on a boat
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